I’m so into Dean and Cas having this phase where they’re like between friendship and something else, but everything still goes unsaid.
So sometimes they’ll be sitting on the couch and Dean will fall asleep and wake up in Cas’ lap. But it’s nothing, because Dean can’t control what he does in his sleep and Cas just didn’t wanna wake him by moving.
Or Cas will be helping out in the kitchen and he’s not cutting the carrot into thin enough slices, so Dean will take his hand to show him how he’s supposed to do it, and then take just a little too long to let go. But it’s nothing, because teaching Cas hands-on is just easier.
Or they’ll be on a hunt and Dean will get knocked on the ground and hit his head against something. And after killing the monster that hurt Dean, Cas will kneel next to him and take Dean’s face gently between his hands and lean in way too close as he heals him. But it’s nothing, Cas was just worried and Dean would have pulled away if he hadn’t been feeling so wonky.
And then one night, Dean is unable to sleep so he’ll go to the kitchen to grab himself some midnight snacks, and Cas will be there since he never sleeps. And instead of reaching into the fridge for something to eat, Dean will lean against the counter in something that’s almost like an invitation.
Neither one of them will say anything but Cas will step closer, into Dean’s personal space, and that’s nothing either, it’s just the way he always is. They’re not even touching, they’re just standing there, and it’s a complete coincidence that they’re close enough so that Dean can catch that slight whiff of ozone that still clings to Cas, close enough so that Cas can feel Dean’s breath hit his face.
And whatever they have between them is so close to tipping over into something neither one of them can deny, which is why they stay still, even though their fingers are itching to touch.
I have! I actually prefer some small form of light, that way if I need to get up in the middle of the night (or find out what my cat is chewing on, LOUDLY, across the room) I can do so with relative ease. I also simply dislike the pitch black. I need relative dark to sleep, but I like to be able to at least make out the edges of the room. Side note, if anyone out there has migraines, GET A NIGHTLIGHT FOR YOUR BATHROOM. Yes, I’m serious. If you’re laying there, wishing your head would just implode already, a nightlight can be a lifesaver so you don’t smack your head and make things worse, or something else untoward. It’s also a great idea to just have them in hallways, it keeps tripping over cats to a minimum. Ish.
Freesia: What are three good things that have happened in the past month?
First: Finding out what a wonderful, supportive network of people I have at my back. And no, not just saying that because it’s you. 😛 I’ve sort of settled in my new job and they’re all cool, and totally understand dealing with unreasonable people and have my back. It’s a great, welcome change. This goes part and parcel with cutting certain negative people out of my life. Second: HALLOWEEN because I love Halloween, and all the zany fun that comes with it. I also just love fall- it’s TEA season! Cinnamon season! Fun creamy warm food season! It’s lovely. Third: I got my University ID card which mean I CAN CHECK OUT BOOKS. Okay, you don’t understand how incredibly awesome this is (or maybe you do) but I love my university library, it’s where I hide when the world is garbage. They have arcane tomes on subjects only I seem to be interested in (with a select few others)- Heraldry, flower symbolism, faerie lore and how it plays into the human psyche- all those little niche Victorian era hobbies, they have books on it. I have found books detailing heraldry trailing back to the 1700′s. And earlier. I want to say 1400′s, but that may be overplaying it a bit. I’m not sure. I’ll go look and let you know. I currently have in my paws a book on faerie lore and how it plays into the human experience and the archetypes present- including how gender and social roles play into what stories you know. It’s phenomenal.
Prairie Gentian: Who do you look up to? Describe them.
A few people come to mind- many of them eloquent writers as well as whatever else they do- acting, journalism, music. There’s a common thread, honestly: they all seem to walk along to their own drumbeats- or bass beats.
The person coming to mind presently is no longer with us. He’s a dumbass that has made mistakes and well admits it. He’s traveled the world, and seeks to understand all sorts of people by wandering in and saying “hey, tell me about you, what you like, what you do, what makes your part of the world amazing in YOUR opinion, not via whatever you think I want to hear.” He’s gotten past addiction, generally been a badass, has a morbid and often cutting sense of humor, and the world is poorer for his loss.
I’ll miss him the most at the holidays, because while he wasn’t a member of my “family” proper, he was a voice of tolerance, curiosity, wit, and a window that there was a world outside of a “holiday” that was more of an imprisonment.
When you are in a building full of hostile people, a kind voice that says “the world is full of interesting, fascinating people. Go meet them, eat their food, and you won’t be disappointed. And you’re not going to die, by the way.”
I aspire to make even half the treks across the world that glorious maniac did. With humor, curiosity, and while I can’t do a lot of shit he did to quite the degree he did due to health constraints- I can damn sure try.
He left behind books, interviews, articles, and shows I think will endure. I /hope/ will endure.
OH BOY DO I HAVE ONE lemme find it up in here http://tabbystardust.tumblr.com/post/21211730019 LOOK AT THIS BEAUTIFUL GODDAMN FONT. @tabbystardust LOOK AT IT. I love it so much, I have it on my wall, it says “Provehito in Altum” and provided there are no objections from the maker I plan on adding it to my tattoos eventually. I love it. They worked so hard on it and it shows, it’s beautiful.
Lavender: What’s your favorite thing about yourself?
My favorite things has to be my stubbornness/conviction depending on how you want to look at it. It means I am stubborn enough, hard headed enough, to get through a lot of shit and do things that make people look at me weird. I wander in and out of the lines with relative ease, and I seem to attract similarly brilliantly off beat people by doing it.
It’s caused me an absolute excess of headaches. It’s made me butt heads with a lot of people, it makes me both an attractive and unattractive person to work with, depending on what side of my bendy morals you’re standing on- but if nothing else, I have determination when I put my mind to things.
If you find yourself in times of trouble, ask yourself, ‘what would Gandalf do’, and remember, ‘beat a man unconscious with a big stick’ is a valid answer
When I find myself in times of trouble, Gandalf Greyhame comes to me, Wailing on those assholes, With a tree (with a tree)
I love how he gave this bit at an autism benefit because it is also a heavy Autism Mood™
This is the most relatable thing I’ve ever seen.
TRANSCRIPT:
JOHN MULANEY: I normally don’t notice people. I zone out constantly. Have you ever zoned out for a few minutes? I’ve been zoned out since 2014.
AUDEINCE LAUGHS
MULANEY: I just – all day long, I wander into traffic walking like Charlie Chaplin, listening to a podcast while thinking about a different podcast.
AUDIENCE LAUGHS
MULANEY: I can zone out anywhere – I was at the doctor’s office, he was reading me the results of a blood test, it was important I listened, and I zoned out! I was like, “nah, I’m gonna stare at the wall and think my thoughts”.
AUDIENCE MEMBER WHOOPS
MULANEY: I was like, “huh. None of the Beatles had moustaches… but then one day, all of them had moustaches.”
AUDIENCE LAUGHS
MULANEY: “That’s weird, I can’t think of a time a group has done that”. Some people in my life don’t want me to zone out as much – they want me to focus, and they want me to be in the moment, and they want me to do this by meditating. I don’t know if you’ve ever tried meditating, but I’ve been trying it. This is how you meditate, okay? You sit on the floor with your back perfectly straight, which I hate more than ISIS –
AUDIENCE LAUGHS
MULANEY: I don’t like sitting up straight! Alright?! It’s never gonna happen! If meditating was sitting hunched over on the toilet with your elbow on your knee while kind of looking at your phone, I’d be the Dalai Lama.
AUDIENCE LAUGHS/APPLAUDS
MULANEY: I don’t like sitting up straight. So you sit up straight, and you breathe, and this helps you stay in the moment. Don’t bother! The moment is mediocre at best!
AUDIENCE LAUGHS
MULANEY: I mean, it’s fine. Let’s all try right now – let’s all be in the moment, in silence, right now. [A HALF-SECOND PAUSE] Sucked, right? Not fun at all!
AUDIENCE LAUGHS
MULANEY: That was boring! You gotta zone out! You have an imagination! You have a movie theatre in your brain that plays fake arguments that you win.
AUDIENCE LAUGHS/APPLAUDS
MULANEY: Have you ever just been sitting there thinking about something for twenty, twenty-five minutes, and all of a sudden you’re like “oh my god, I’m driving!” and you remember? You’re like –
AUDIENCE LAUGHS
MULANEY: “I’m going seventy-five miles an hour! I have been for a while! I could’ve changed so many lives!” Sometimes, my wife – I have this wife – she’ll be like, “are you watching the road?” and I’m always like, “I am looking through the windshield.”
AUDIENCE LAUGHS
MULANEY: “And I’m not gonna hit anyone, but no. I’m thinking about the Beatles.”
Hey @vulpeculavolans added a transcript to this AND THAT IS SO AWESOME THANK YOU SO MUCH!
Chartreuse Abstruseness Export 